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last night i dreamt i was at a baseball game and i was on the kiss-cam next to this cute boy with his family and everyone was cheering us on and the guy smiled at me and i smiled back and then i leaned over and kissed his sister instead and the stadium went completely silent before the announcer said “well that was certainly a curveball” and i laughed so hard i woke myself up

Got to the car at the same time as this woman. Loaded the groceries and got two children in their car seats in the time it took her to write this message and and throw it at me as she drove away. I hate to be rude, but if you’re so large that you cannot fit in a normal to an a half foot space between our two vehicles then maybe you should go on a diet. Love bitches. Good thing she didn’t do “bag” things to my car.

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